Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
