so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
