is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
