Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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