omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
