She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
