Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
