She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
