Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
