I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
