Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Less talking, more tequila
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
