Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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