who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
