At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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