She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
