This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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