The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
sarcasm needs its own font
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
