There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Shame - the story of my life.
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