Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
