They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
