Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
