You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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