New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
