why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
