I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
