It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
