This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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