i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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