overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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