I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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