what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
