Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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