Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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