remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
