My Higher Power is John Stamos
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
