dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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