It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
