I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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