need another drink. this is the easiest way
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
