perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
