went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
