I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
