I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
How external is "for external use only"?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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