Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
