I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
