yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
