Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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