I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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