I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
