sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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