She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
A+ Viking dick
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
