What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
