Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
